I think I'm in love...

This girl is amazingly talented. She should be on SNL or something.

North Korea Party Rock Anthem ft. Kim Jong Il

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal does it again.

Regular Show :: Best of Pops

If you have never seen "Regular Show", which airs Monday evenings at 8:15 on the Cartoon Network, you are missing out on some of the best absurdist cartoon humor ever. This video is a compilation of hilarious things said by my favorite character, Pops, an effeminate, old British man who may or may not be mentally healthy. He is good for 3 hearty laughs per 15 minute episode; it's science. The show would be nothing without him.

Diamond in the Rough

I've just spent the last 15 minutes removing spam comments from this very blog you're reading right now, which is a task I normally hate. Well, today must not be a normal day, because I just found the funniest broken English/Google translate-shredded spam comment of all time. It's like it was written by Jonathan Safran Foer for Alex in "Everything is Illuminated":

Hey guys I'm not persuaded if this is the greatest category to send this, but I am having some corporeal strife learning seeking a girl I infer from seeking a girl on that internet site, but it actually didn't seem to give a lot of sense to me. Can someone please serve me? It's so hard to foregather the sexy women of my dreams.

This on the web wasn't clear to read

Ideas on How to satisfy Women in the Mall

If you are just one guy and aren't the ideal at locating a great deal much less meeting ladies and are wondering somewhere you could possibly visit get and meet a girlfriend, then these ten reasonable recommendations on how to fulfill a girl on the shopping mall, should arrive in mighty handy.

1 - Go for the food court. Feel it or not, the food court would be the absolute most helpful area inside the local mall to meet a young girl. Here's what you do. Choose a meals area and get in line for the meal. Whereas that you're in line, start looking around the location somewhere everybody is seated and eating. Look to get a woman sitting alone, as well as two ladies sitting together. When you've got your meal in hand, walk around to wherever she or they can indeed be seated and question if you'll be able to join them. If you're truthful and straightforward with them, your probabilities are rather fine.

2- Do some thinking. Before you even take into account proceeding towards the mall to satisfy a lady, sit oneself down and do some critical thinking. Want to consider how you could come in contact with a young lady and what you can say to her if you’re thriving. Take into consideration which components of the shopping mall you'd probably visit. Also, you're planning to really need to acquire something when there, what do you will need? Finally, ponder what meeting a girl in the public site entails. Definitely you'll will need to look and feel to get a wedding ring ahead of speaking to a chick, and you can expect to should bear in mind if it's wiser to speak into a lady alone or a person who is with other people. Lastly, you can have being reasonable about your own age plus the ages for the girlfriend you choose to satisfy. As in, you're likely to ought to inform yourself to become sensible and don't experiment with to fulfill girls which have been a whole lot younger or older than you’re, or that look and feel out of one's league.

3 - Ask for guidance. As soon as you’re at long last along at the local mall, an individual of a means to satisfy ladies is by asking them for benefit. Females be aware that males have no thought what they're engaging in once they are shopping, so asking for aid won't appear this kind of a ridiculous notion. Ask for guidance in picking out a jacket for oneself one example is. Engaging in so let's the woman know which you are single. If she agrees to help you, find out her other questions as you grab completely different jackets to have a shot at on.

Hey guys I'm not for certain if this is the sound place to mail this, but I am having some legitimate difficulty learning seeking a girl I infer from seeking a girl on that internet site, but it really didn't seem to give to me alot of sense to me. Can someone hold it in their heart to help me? It's so impregnable to foregather the chick of my dreams.

...and then it just stops. Not gonna lie, I'm kinda bummed that we don't get to see items 4-10 on this list of guileless advice.

The Truth About Justin Bieber

BABY! - watch more funny videos

Dixie Carter's Un-Workout

I know I'm about 9 days late to the RIP-fest, but this clip can't not be shared.



Rest in peace, Dixie Carter.

Ed's Birthday Pie

Reason #58 why I love my job: Not even our boss/owner is immune from the traditional birthday pie to the face. This is my workplace.

Paul Shirley is still an idiot...

Back in mid-September, I blogged about a "writer" for ESPN's website named Paul Shirley who had written, at the time, an article which very dubiously criticized the most sacred of all my cows: The Beatles...

Well now, it appears the esteemed Mr. Shirley is no longer in the employ of ESPN, which just fired him in light of some rather heinous commentary he made recently on the tragic situation in Haiti.

As always, I was right.

(BYAH!)

Paul Shirley is an Idiot.

I may have missed the memo on this one, but since when are career journeyman pro basketball players--who have played for thirteen different teams, mind you--entitled to share their dubious opinions about music with millions of impressionable sports fans?!

Get a load of the crap that Paul Shirley just passed off as journalism in a guest piece he just wrote for ESPN.com. In it, the venerable Mr. Shirley makes his case that--drumroll, please...The Beatles are over-rated. A few of his talking points:

1. The Beatles are not better, by any measure, than The Guess Who, Fleetwood Mac, The Rolling Stones, or Creedence Clearwater Revival.
   
   
2. U2's album, "Achtung Baby" is superior to The Beatles' "Abbey Road". Which, by not too strechy an extension on my part, would seem to mean, to me at least, that "The Joshua Tree" ranks, somehow, somewhere below "Achtung Baby" as well.
   
   
3. Dean Koontz is a better writer than Bram Stoker because he's less boring.
   
   
4. The song "Eleanor Rigby", which Shirley labels as--and I quote--'primitive hackings,' is an inferior piece of music to Guns N' Roses' "November Rain" because the latter was released during the writer's lifetime and the former was not.
   
   
5. All Beatles fans born after the band's breakup are simply poseurs using the band's music (and mystique) as social currency to seem cool. [Ed. note: this is Shirley's least retarded point and I would only disagree with the "all" part.]
   
   
6. Oasis is better than the Beatles.

I mean, really...this asshole GOT PAID to write that shit. Just click the link and read the story...Shirley's retardation is on full display, courtesy of ESPN.com.

As for me, I'm off to find Ike Austin to see what he thinks about Radiohead's oeuvre. I'm sure you're all dying to know.

Adam Schefter is a Dimpled, Dapper Dude.

For those who don't know, Adam Schefter is the new NFL "insider"/reporter on ESPN's NFL coverage. He used to work on the NFL Network, and has a fairly large following on the internets for his ability to break stories and confirm or disprove hot NFL personnel rumors. Anyway, he's one of my favorite sports reporters.

Watching Schefter's analysis of the Redskins' preseason game late last evening, I remarked to Yale how damn impressive his tie knots always are. I mean, they are consistently, consistently excellent. I follow Schefter on Twitter, so I decided to go straight to the source. I had to find out:



At 7:30 this morning, I woke up and found that Schefter sent me a direct message in reply:



So there you have it. Emmitt Smith taught Adam Schefter how to tie a tie. Were he not a former Dallas Cowboy, I'd hire Emmitt Smith to teach me the same, 'cause those are some excellent fucking dimples.

Andrew Jackson's Thriller...

I've been looking for a copy of this image on the internets ever since Michael Jackson died earlier this summer. Serendipitously, I've found it buried deep inside the (now cannibalized) hard drive of the computer I haven't used since 2006. I rule.



Mama-se, mama-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa!

Shirtless Biden Washes Trans-Am in White House Driveway

"Back in the day we used to call 'em panty-melters," Biden continued. "One babe caught a glimpse of those rims after a Cinderella concert in '86 and she couldn't get into that backseat fast enough. If any of you girls wanna take a ride, just let ol' Joe know."

(mega lulz from The Onion)

Whatever it is, I'm against it...

Regarding the fact that zero House Republicans voted yay on President Obama's economic stimulus package, Rush Limbaugh had this to say:

It is about the 2010 and 2012 elections. This is an opportunity for Republicans to redefine themselves after a few years of wandering aimlessly looking for a ‘brand’ and identity.

I guess by "brand and identity," Rush meant something along these lines:

What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?

It's probably in poor taste to say so, but when I saw former Vice President Cheney in his wheelchair during the inauguration on Tuesday, all I could think of was this scene from The Big Lebowski.

LEBOWSKI
It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?

DUDE
Dude.

LEBOWSKI
Huh?

DUDE
I don't know, sir.

LEBOWSKI
Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man?

DUDE
Sure. That and a pair of testicles.

Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought.

LEBOWSKI
You're joking. But perhaps you're right.

The Dude thumps at his chest pocket.

DUDE
Mind if I do a j?

LEBOWSKI
Bunny.

He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks.

DUDE
'Scuse me?

LEBOWSKI
Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir?

DUDE
Fuckin' A.

LEBOWSKI
Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry.

Sorry, Ravens Quarterback Joe Flacco...

You just go work on that bottlecap collection of yours and hang tight with good old Ern. You'll get 'em next time, tiger...

I'm Deeeeeeerek and I can sing hiiiiiii-eye-yeaaaaah!

The a capella "Sweet Child O' Mine" scene from Stepbrothers has been stuck in my head since my brother Bill got it for me for Christmas. Especially Derek's solo.

Found Gayness...

Serious question here:



Does anyone else find the choreographed, pre-boxing match stare-down thing incredibly homosexual?

Just kiss him already, eyeesh.

Bell's Palsy is Nothing to Laugh About...

There's an interesting article and video on the LA Times' website about an 11 year-old girl with Bell's Palsy. Check out the video, about 35 seconds in, where the girl's mother is shown talking about her daughter's condition. Eyeesh, if my mom had hair and makeup like that, I wouldn't be smiling either.

*And for the record, the girl looks cooler than shit sans smile.

OMG, Vote?! Srsly?!?!

Right now I feel like I'm the opposite of Bruce Banner: you would like me when I'm angry. At least I hope you would...

Some douche decided it was necessary to create a facebook event for the upcoming Presidential election on November 4th. This, naturally, brought a whole plethora of questions to my mind, followed by their logical conclusion--my pissy retort. Quoth...myself:



(as always, click on the pic above if it's too hard to read the tiny, screen-grabbed text)

Note that, at press time, the group has 5,673 members. That's a whole lotta douche.