Adam Schefter is a Dimpled, Dapper Dude.

For those who don't know, Adam Schefter is the new NFL "insider"/reporter on ESPN's NFL coverage. He used to work on the NFL Network, and has a fairly large following on the internets for his ability to break stories and confirm or disprove hot NFL personnel rumors. Anyway, he's one of my favorite sports reporters.

Watching Schefter's analysis of the Redskins' preseason game late last evening, I remarked to Yale how damn impressive his tie knots always are. I mean, they are consistently, consistently excellent. I follow Schefter on Twitter, so I decided to go straight to the source. I had to find out:



At 7:30 this morning, I woke up and found that Schefter sent me a direct message in reply:



So there you have it. Emmitt Smith taught Adam Schefter how to tie a tie. Were he not a former Dallas Cowboy, I'd hire Emmitt Smith to teach me the same, 'cause those are some excellent fucking dimples.

Just for shits and gigs...

With my two main fantasy football drafts approaching this Sunday, I decided I'd do a mock draft on Yahoo--I was picking 12th overall, in a 14-team mock draft, which is exactly where I'm slotted (12/14) in the league I'm actually paying to play in. Come Sunday, if I can field a team like this one...let's just say I'll be penciling myself in for a great year.

1. Brandon Jacobs (NYG - RB)
2. Drew Brees (NO - QB)
3. Thomas Jones (NYJ - RB)
4. Antonio Gates (SD - TE)
5. Eddie Royal (Den - WR)
6. DeSean Jackson (Phi - WR)
7. Minnesota (Min - DEF)
8. Derrick Mason (Bal - WR)
9. Nate Kaeding (SD - K)
10. LeSean McCoy (Phi - RB)
11. Ahmad Bradshaw (NYG - RB)
12. Shonn Greene (NYJ - RB)
13. Devery Henderson (NO - WR)
14. Patrick Crayton (Dal - WR)
15. Josh Morgan (SF - WR)

Any fantasy footballers out there, readin my little corner of the internet? Your thoughts?

Press Release From the Team Formerly Known as "The Campbell Brothers"

(This was originally posted by me, in response to Kent's disdain for my cutting Jason Campbell, on our league's message-board; I was compelled to share the lulz here as well...)

First off, I'd like to start off the press-conferencin' on a hearty note of congratulations for Santana Moss--191 total yards and that glorious, season-defining touchdown--that was a gameball-worthy performance...and as soon as this press conference is finally over, this team is going straight to Pizza Hut! Coach's treat.

I would like to comment here on what Coach Groh said about my handling of Jason Campbell's recent, unconditional release from the team this past week. Let me make myself perfectly clear here: you will never find a bigger Jason Campbell supporter than myself; not in this league, not in any league. In fact, I am proud that this is the third year in a row that I've had JC start out a fantasy season as my team's primary backup signal-caller.

Speaking from the position of familiarity I've developed with JC over the course of our three year fantasy relationship, I can say that, well...sometimes Jason just needs some good old-fashioned negative reinforcement--which is exactly what I was giving JC when I directed that "doody head" remark towards him--to play at his very best. Despite the fact he was no longer on my team, JC's stellar performance yesterday still validates our sacred fan/coach-player bond.

Jason Campbell is a player on the verge of greatness. However, all his impending greatness would just be wasted behind Donovan McNabb--who is, after all, undeniably better than JC right now, sad to say--on my bench, all season long. It is for that reason, out of fairness to Jason, that I owe him the chance to go out and try to land a starting job elsewhere, so that he may continue to grow as a player, and as a man.

I am ever honored to have been a part of Jason's journey, and wish him luck in his future endeavors...

P.S. -- Coach Groh, while JC's 321 yards and single touchdown yesterday were indeed impressive, the guy I signed to replace him on my bench, Philip Rivers, happened to throw for 377 yards and three touchdowns. THAT, my friend, is "blowing up."

P.P.S. -- Alright, squad! Whistle's blowin'! Pile into the mini-van...it's pizza-time!

Make it a Blockbuster Night!

So my huge, blockbuster trade with Jake has been approved by the league. I sent him Randy Moss, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Frank Gore, and Laurence Maroney--basically the core of my lineup--and in exchange he sent LaDainian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson, Reggie Wayne, and Torry Holt--basically two top-10 RBs and two top-10 WRs--back my way. (And Tomlinson BTW, for the uninitiated, is the consensus BPIAOF--or, best player in all of fantasy.) NBD.

Also, I was able to recoup the draft choice I wasted on injured Eagles WR Kevin Curtis by dropping him in order to sign Cowboys WR Patrick Crayton. I do feel guilty for having a Cowboy on my roster, but Crayton came up huge for me last season as a midseason waiver pickup so I'll give him another shot this season. I may have a hated (real life) rival now, but at least, after dumping Randy Moss and Laurence Maroney, I don't have any dirty, spy-gatin' cheaters to worry about bringing down my squads' stellar reputation.

The Campbell Bros definitely lead the league in smiles now:

My starters:
QB Donovan McNabb (Eagles)
WR Reggie Wayne (Colts)
WR Torry Holt (Rams)
RB LaDainian Tomlinson (Chargers)
RB Larry Johnson (Chiefs)
TE Chris Cooley (SKINS)
W/R Edgerrin James (Cardinals)
K Shaun Suisham (SKINS)
DEF Jacksonville

My bench:
QB Jason Campbell (SKINS)
WR Santana Moss (SKINS)
WR Jerricho Cotchery (Jets)
WR Patrick Crayton (Cowboys)
RB Chester Taylor (Vikings)
RB Ricky Williams (Dolphins)

99+55=30

The above picture is a screengrab of the actual chat-room from my fantasy football live-draft that we just finished a couple hours ago; Yale, who is the league commissioner, made at least 2 funnies...

Man, my fantasy roster is STACKED this year. Obviously, it's gonna change a whole lot between now and the end of fantasy playoff time,--and with an L.T./Randy Moss deal between myself and Jake potentially in the works right now, it may change rather soon... Basically, Jake's the biggest Randy Moss devotee I've ever known; he'd walk barefoot through hot coals for #84 #18 #81. Jake luckily [for me] drew the #1 overall pick, and since he was busy out in Portland, conveniently [for me], had LaDainian auto-picked to his team. I took a few gambles, I know: Cotchery was a bit of a reach, but he had 1100 yds. last season--and now has Brett Favre throwing him the ball. Chester Taylor and Ricky Williams are both backups in real life, but play behind a couple guys who have reputations for injuries, so both of them could, great players in their own rights, have great fantasy upside if they ever have to take over for their respective teams. Even though I accidentally drafted Kevin Curtis, whom I didn't know was currently injured, I feel pretty good about my squad's chances right now:

My starters:
QB Donovan McNabb (Eagles)
WR Randy Moss (Patriots)
WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh (Bengals)
RB Frank Gore (49ers)
RB Laurence Maroney (Patriots)
TE Chris Cooley (SKINS)
W/R Edgerrin James (Cardinals)
K Shaun Suisham (SKINS)
DEF Jacksonville

My bench:
QB Jason Campbell (SKINS)
WR Santana Moss (SKINS)
WR Jerricho Cotchery (Jets)
WR Kevin Curtis (Eagles)
RB Chester Taylor (Vikings)
RB Ricky Williams (Dolphins)

Now obviously, everyone else in the league feels pretty good about their chances too, right now...except for Body and Dubs. Their teams will suck on purpose because they actually made joke selections instead of good ones, which may have had to do with the fact that they were bojanglin' drunk and in Korea, where for them it was precisely 1:15 a.m. tomorrow at the time the draft started.

For example, Body (huge Longhorn fan) started out the comedy right with a massive sucker punch to conventional wisdom with his first (#3 overall) pick: Titans quarterback Vince Young, a former Texas player worth, at best, a 3rd rounder. Body then went on to take Redskins rookie tight end Fred Davis with his third round pick simply because that's when Davis went in the real draft last April, but despite the fact I was able to select the Pro Bowl TE who starts over him in real life, Captain Chaos himself, in the fifth round. Body's other gems, besides basing a pick on a guy's sharing a name with the Wendy's guy: using his 5th rounder on Steelers rookie WR Limas Sweed, his 7th rounder on Chiefs rookie RB Jamaal Charles, his 10th rounder on Broncos scrub RB Selvin Young, and his 15th rounder on Buccaneers backup QB Chris Simms. They all played college ball for Texas...

The blind--or in this case, drunk--must have been leading the blind because Dubs, a UVA grad and die-hard fan, followed Body's example and made a few insane, college-team-preference-based draft decisions of his own: Texans QB Matt Schaub in the 2nd, Jets RB Thomas Jones in the 3rd, Steelers TE Heath Miller in the 4th--when Cooley, inarguably a better option at TE, was still available--and Raiders WR Ronald Curry in the 13th round. All were UVA players except Curry, who almost signed a letter of intent there, as a star high school QB 11 years ago, before stiffing them to go to UNC instead. Wahoos hold grudges, apparently.

I continued the trend of blind homer-ism, although I, unlike Dubs and Body, got good value out of mine, as I now have Santana Moss at WR (poised to have a better year than last, still dangerous though he's often over-looked, better offense for his style than Gibbs used) Chris Cooley at TE (what can I say? he's a super-hero), Shuan Suisham as my kicker (starting kicker's stats are usually around the same 100-130 or so in fantasy points terms, so why not go local?) and Jason Campbell at QB (Coach Zorn will prove his mettle as a molder of young QBs and turn this guy into a pro-bowler, mark my words.) I have more Redskins than any other team in the league, but I take my Redskins love seriously; my only real joke of a pick was Ricky Williams...

Speaking of jokes, I think I'm gonna re-name my team "The Campbell Brothers" because of my two quarterbacks: Jason Campbell and Donovan "Soup Ad" McNabb, both of whom happen to also be black.

Anyway, I'm out. It's gorgeous outside right now, in that magically golden time of year when anything, like Andre Carter and Jason Taylor combining for 30 sacks, the Redskins having more pro-bowlers than a hand's worth of fingers, or me not losing in the first round of the fantasy playoffs after dominating my league with an 11-2 record, is possible.

Cheers, gents.

Goal Line Blitz...

Thinking I was signing up for something I love: a(ny) fantasy football league, I was instead duped into signing up for something I actually hate: an MMORPG. Granted, while it is a football-themed MMORPG, it remains nonetheless, still an MMORPG, and thus, worthy of my scorn and ridicule--and, of course, their cousin, shame--simply for its lowly station just barely beneath my personal nerdery threshold. Which apparently drops lower by the minute now...

Because I signed up. At first, I did exactly what anyone who's ever played chess, Nuclear War, or any other sit-around-with-your-friends-because-there's-nothing-else-going-on game against me in one of my ...shall we say ...less enthused moments should already expect: I tried to create a joke of the experience; to demonstrate my absolute disdain for its very existence while simultaneously demonstrating my superior level of non-nerd-ness.

Obviously I had to create a character named Gus Chiggins.

There was only one problem: some mother fucker already took Gus Chiggins! And even had the sense of humor to create him as a kicker! And to make matters worse, there are evidently others out there who're in on the Chiggins joke, as evidenced by another--imitative, yes, but still worthy of funny points--character someone else made: Gustavius Chiggins. Come to think of it, I might actually prefer Gustavius...

No matter. I know (and now you know) who the "real" Gus Chiggins is, and he plays MMORPG football for yours truly, the agent known as awwpeaches: long-time character actor Josh McAdoo.

One final note: if you click on the link in the title of this post (or end of this paragraph) and register your own (free!) character on Goal Line Blitz, it gives me some kind of points which I can then use to help Josh make it to the top of the game. Do the right thing: help Josh McAdoo.

As for me, I'm off to continue my ongoing negotiations with the guy who registered the screenname "awwpeaches" on AIM before I could.

Pickleshoes out.